harmlessinc

 Before the troop had shown me the door, I texted a co-worker at the shop about "so...who would I talk to about this?" and she pointed me to one of the guys in the back office.  I talked to him yesterday and he was quite anxious and not sure how to help me.  I get it.  At the end of the day, they're corporate guys and their job is to protect the corporation.

Honestly, no matter how much Dennis tells me this is law suit material, what would I even sue for?  

But, I gave him the specs.  Gave him a copy of the letter I got - that was the only documentation that existed for this whole sordid affair and then brought up the lack of leadership that's causing the kids to suffer.  That, I think, might be the only actionable thing that they might be able to do?  I also told said co-worker, look, I already made the decision to leave before they called me, and I'm willing to take the leadership training again, but Sera deserves credit for her work.  I think he was relieved we were going to stay in scouting and directed me at a troop out in Barrington.  Why he didn't direct me at Cate's troop here in Elgin, I don't know, but Jimm says that's indicative of how little council is actually helping scouts in our area.

Imagine my surprise when I get a phone call and I only half-recognize the last name on the caller ID.  Oh shit, its the council president.  I mean, yeah, co-worker in a way - I just sewed all the patches on his new uniform shirt in time for a big Scout Corporate Presentation(tm), but not like we hob nob in the hallways or anything.

But I guess the report had gotten to him and he was calling to get more details and to make sure Sera was okay.  That was touching - even if in a cynical moment you have to accept that maybe that was emotional staging.  And, despite Cynical Husband reminding me that his first priority is to protect Scouts, not the troop and not me/Sera, I don't know that the Council President is normally calling parents of any scout that got sent home from camp, accusations of "self harm" or not.  So I clarified that for him - "Wishing I was dead" might be splitting hairs on "I'm actively planning on hurting myself/others" - and the year long isolating and bullying that's been going on, the fact I've not been read into any of it or included in any sort of plan to help.  

Then I detailed for him the lack of leadership and Lord of the Flies scenarios that were going on.  Mr. President says he's well acquainted with the leadership of that troop and will talk to them - Anonymously of course - but not like they couldn't figure out who the fuck he's talking about.  Some of that old guard are the same ones that dismissed my concerns with the kids floundering with "this troop is Scout Led".  Scout led is all well and good, Mr. President, but when you have whole patrols who have been in three years and none of them are first class yet, they're not being mentored.

He assured me my training will be signed off on and so will Sera's badges and I told him we were thinking of going to Cate's troop - I've known her from way back and she was connected to Troop 2 where both my boys Eagled out of (I was very deliberate in mentioning that, letting him know I'm not just some flash in the pan parent, I've been Scouting for a while and am committed) and feel she probably runs a tighter ship.  He agreed, also knowing Cate for forever (her dad founded Troop 2 and Cate's gotta be getting close to 90).

So, I don't think much will come of it - but I feel better knowing that Sera will get her badges signed off on and it was my big middle finger to Beverly to have her sign off on my training, so maybe I got at least that much.  The biggest problem children in that troop are probably only there for four more years max, and it makes me wonder how bad it'll get if they fall into classic bullying where they'll just find a new target to pick on or if Sera was indeed the catalyst that created the storm.  I wonder how many parents will be frustrated or just resignedly accept that its basically a social club and unless the kid is Driven Type A, they'll be lucky to age out at First Class.  Part of me wants to watch it explode, horribly.  But that would be unfair to the kids that are innocent bystanders to the drama.

I don't think this makes Sera feel any better - the way she described it, it sounds like that last fight you have with a significant other where you're sad its over, you miss them terribly, but at the same time there's a sense of relief that you don't have to do that any more.  I think we'll take off the rest of July - part for her mental health, part for my mental health, part for scheduling - and see if Cate can give us a Scouting home.

Sera and I ended up coming home from camp early.  To sum up, she could no longer keep her cool and in her meltdown she said she wished she were dead and that's a "health and safety issue" and we were asked to leave camp.

I talked to the girls in question and there's been shit going on for years that I apparently was not aware of.  I already knew that Sera had all the boundary understanding of a dim-witted Golden Retriever, but it was worse than I thought and once girls circle their wagons against the weird girl, its all over.  I told Leadership that I understood that Sera had brought some of this on herself and was doing herself no favors, but also that Sera says this isn't the worst she's been bullied and was afraid to leave the troop for another one, because what if they're worse?  Maybe if someone had told me what was going on from the start, we could have intervened and helped. 

Leadership failed me, failed Sera, and are failing the girls in that troop.  Their commitment to being "Scout Led" has led to a Lord of the Flies scenario.  All this time the girls had been bringing their concerns to leadership - as they were told to do - and leadership wasn't telling me because the girls needed to "figure it out" and "solve it on their own".  The girls had no idea that I didn't know what was going on.  The patrol leader was aghast - she had no idea it was going on.  Which does bring into question the whole "follow the chain of command" philosophy they're supposedly following.

There's mentoring at a distance, letting the kids stand/fall on their own as they navigate budding adulthood and their own capabilities, and leaving them to drown.  How do kids learn anything if they don't know what resources they have or options?  More than one adult muttered to me about their kids who's been in for years and no badges and no ranks and being prevented from being involved.  Jimm thinks this is a social club for the adults dressed up to look like scouts.  

Either way, we're obviously done with this troop.  The hard part is that 46 has sucked up pretty much every kid within an hour's drive as other troops crumble to dust or are on life support with less than ten kids.  Troops that are either all girl or are coed are even less.  Everyone wants to join a large troop with all the razzle dazzle of being alive and vibrant.  Its all hollow.  I have the numbers on how bad the kids are doing in terms of advancing and ranking up, and its worse on the girl side than the boys'.  Their Scoutmaster came to the same conclusion I did - all the first wave of girls came in and hit the ground running and got their Eagles and then tapped out having crossed the finish line.  There's no institutional memory on that side of the program - no tradition of giving a hand to the ones following behind, no understanding of giving back to the tribe as you grow in wisdom and skill.  The way to excel as a woman is to run past everyone else in the line and enjoy the victory.  If you help others, you might drown and be lumped in with "those girls" and share in their failure, or the status might not have as much shine if you are one of many rather than one.  

There's only one girl troop nearby, the one we passed over for Troop 946, and I guess its our only option unless I want to drive even farther to another troop than what I was doing before.

So that, on top of the realization that with Sera's emotional crisis means we might not finish her Silver Award for Girl Scouts, might not ever do her Gold or get her Eagle, and Xander's sudden descent into depression, meant that I canceled my trip to Avacal.  I had been a guest of honor - invited to the tenth anniversary and put up in style to teach the tapestry and the embroidery around the squire tourneys and classes I was going to take with big name fighters from other kingdoms.

I'm crushed too - under the weight of my children's suffering and the sacrifice I selfishly don't want to make but know its the right thing to do.